As I sit here, staring at the monitor like it’s the latest episode of “Will She Wake or Won’t She?”, I can’t help but wonder: when did I become the personal assistant to a tiny, demanding CEO—my newborn daughter, Kylie? The job requirements: 24/7 availability, a master’s degree in deciphering cries, and the ability to function on zero sleep. The benefits? Paid in cuddles and the occasional coo, which, trust me, is worth more than any corporate bonus I’ve ever seen.
No one really prepares you for life with a newborn. Sure, you get the “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice, but what happens when your little one refuses to adhere to that schedule? Kylie seemed to have her own set of hours, and I was left scrambling like a rookie trying to impress a boss who doesn’t care about weekends. Every day was a mix of joy and confusion. I’d stare into her tiny face and feel this overwhelming love, followed immediately by a sheer panic: “Am I doing this right?”
Before Kylie, I was the queen of independence. I took pride in knowing what I wanted, where I was going, and how to get there. But life with a newborn? It was like getting dropped in a foreign city with no map, no Wi-Fi, and a GPS that just said, “Good luck.” Every cry had me frantically Googling, “Why is my baby crying at 2 a.m. for the third time in a row?” Spoiler alert: The internet doesn’t have all the answers.
Then there’s the sleep—or lack thereof. Sleep deprivation, they say, is a form of torture, and I now believe that wholeheartedly. Between night feedings, diaper changes, and Kylie’s uncanny ability to wake up the moment I tried to get comfortable, sleep became this mythical creature I once read about but hadn’t actually encountered in months. I’d sit in bed, looking over at my fiancé, Kyle, peacefully sleeping (of course), and I’d wonder how he managed to sleep through the tiny cries that pierced through my eardrums like an alarm clock set to “insane.”
But here’s the thing: despite the chaos, the sleepless nights, and the complete shift in my reality, I realized something. Life with Kylie wasn’t about finding the perfect routine or being the flawless mom. It was about embracing the unpredictable nature of it all. I started to find comfort in the small moments—her tiny hand wrapped around my finger, the way her face softened as she drifted off to sleep. I began to realize that being a mom meant navigating this new world one step at a time, even if I was stumbling in the dark (literally and figuratively).
Sure, I missed my spontaneous late nights and uninterrupted Netflix marathons. But now, those moments were replaced with something different, something messier, but infinitely more rewarding. Every night, as I rocked Kylie to sleep, I started to embrace the idea that this season of life—though exhausting and overwhelming—was also filled with a beauty I had never known.
So, if you’re a new mom, sitting in the dark with a baby who refuses to sleep, know this: you’re not alone. We’re all navigating life with a tiny boss, trying to figure out the next move. And while it might feel impossible now, just remember—you’ve got this, and someday, sleep will find you again. Until then, there’s always coffee and the promise of a baby smile that makes it all worthwhile.
